Part of me wants to throw myself into the deep end of recovery, and another part of me just doesn’t give a shit anymore. I just want to stay in bed or sit in my chair and rot away. I’m trying to think about my kids and husband for motivation, but as terrible as this sounds, I shamefully admit that I’m too apathetic to even be motivated by them right now. I feel like lasting stability will never happen for me. Why keep trying? Why keep fighting so painfully hard? I’ll always fall right back to this place. There’s just no fucking use.
I’m sorry. I thought I was in a place that I could start a blog about hope and awareness, but I was dead wrong. I thought I could be a voice for people suffering, but I can’t even whisper for myself.